Ah, the Olympics are back. The brilliance of victory and the agony of defeat. The triumph of the human spirit and indominable will to win and of course, the pageantry of the opening ceremonies. All of this led me to think, why doesn’t Comic-Con have an opening ceremony. It would be epic.
Picture this. Wednesday night starts off with the parade. The Marvel delegation marches in, followed by DC, Dark Horse and all the major players. Then comes the artist, the small press and the writers. All followed by a massive cosplay parade. Of course, no ceremony would be complete without the lighting of the torch. Though in this case it would be the human torch (probably not a real person but a symbolic one) and in my mind there would only be one man worthy of lighting it. One man who has loomed bright in the minds of all nerds everywhere. That man of course would be the great Stan Lee. The torch lights, shoots up into the sky and the games begin. Games you ask? Yes, for no Olympics would be complete without games, so I give you the Comic-Con Olympic games.
– Storm Trooper Laser Tag. Squads of storm troopers shooting it out in a maze of laser tag. Scout troopers locating positions, troopers advancing under the covering fire of a heavy laser, each squad with its own insignias and badges. Me in my costume cheering them on. And at the end of it all, the medals handed out by none other than Lord Vader himself. The catch of course, is that storm troopers can’t hit the broadside of a YT-1300, so it would a low scoring affair overall, but it would be so much fun to watch. If only they could have podracing.
– The Gauntlet – Dating back to Medieval times (and sponsored by Medieval Times) the gauntlet is a no brainer for any intrepid nerd willing to risk it. Jumping to platforms, dodging logs and swinging from ropes, these brave, would be warriors would challenge each other in the ultimate test of dexterity, speed and strength. The winner receives a four-day pass to next year’s SDCC handed out by none other than Joss Whedon himself.
– The Funko Fifty Yard Dash. Nerds everywhere line up at the starting gates, each intent on getting to the Funko booth first. The doors open and they are off to the races for the ultimate prize. They scratch, they claw and they even trip each other in this no holes barred event. It could get violent, it could get ugly and it would definitely be gritty. But oh, the glory of receiving that rarest of prizes. The most exclusive Funko Pop vinyl ever. The Comic-Con Olympian Pop Vinyl (already on Ebay for $500)!
– The Line Waiting Challenge – Let’s face it, long lines and waiting are an unfortunate part of the Comic-Con experience, so why not make it an event? This event involves standing and waiting in line for as long as possible. Slowly, one-by-one, over hour after grueling hour, the contestants begin to collapse. Five-minute bathroom breaks every four hours would be allowed. Energy drinks and coffee are handed out along the way, just to keep them alert and hydrated. The last man or women standing receives the ultimate prize. An autograph from the celebrity of their choice!
– The LARPing Battle Royale. Knights in shining armor duke it out in a grand melee spectacular. Swords clashing, maces crushing and shields clanking. This ain’t your mother’s Renaissance fair exposition. It’s an all-out battle of skill and martial prowess. The grand prize? Living, because did we mention this is a fight to the death?
So there you have it. Oh, the fun it would be. Just a little more pizzazz to add to your already amazing Comic-Con experience. So the big question remains, what events would you like to see? Hit us up and let us know!
You can follow Jefferson @nerdsinrecovey.